Moments of Grief

I was doing ok... until I went to the Y this morning.  You see, I thought I would finish up my workout and cool down by walking on the track.  The track is 1/18 of a mile and suspended over the basketball court.  I was about 4 laps in to the 9 I wanted to do when it happened.  I saw a little boy and his grandpa.  Playing.  The little boy running and squealing in delight as his grandpa kicked the basketball away from him.  The grandpa laughing as he watched his grandson light up with joy.  And instantly my eyes filled with tears (as they are now).  "Why God?  Why?"  I thought to myself.  "This just isn't fair.  My children will not know one of their grandfathers." 

Jackson will not be able to run and play with "Pappy."  One of the last things Dale spoke to us was to ask if Jackson had taken any more steps.  That was last Wednesday.  By Monday, the day after Dale went to heaven, Jackson started full-blown walking.  Now when Jackson walks I am reminded of Dale and his concern for Jackson's steps even as he was struggling.

After watching the playfulness between grandfather and grandson at the Y a song came to me (from Evita of all places).  At the end when the country is lamenting the loss of Eva Peron, the music plays (with Madonna's voice), 

"Remember I was very young then
And a year was forever and a day
So what use could fifty, sixty, seventy be?
I saw the lights, and I was on my way"


(I don't know if Evita is the best reference for this but the lyrics just fit).


You see, Dale was at peace with what life had dealt him.  He was excited to see Jesus, and his own father.  He was happy that he'd been around long enough to see his children grow up, marry, and have children.  He was grateful for what he had.  His testimony during those last days was really incredible.  I can say I don't know if I'd ever show the peace and acceptance that he did.   He shared with Brian and I that he was at peace and he wanted to make sure we were, too.  How could we not be when he was handling it so well?


Dale passed at 52.  That is too young.  But like the lyrics say above, what would have sixty or seventy meant?  Don't the years pass so quickly anyhow?  We had time to say our good-byes- if he would have lived another 8, 10, 20 years, would we have spent the time making the moments count?


If you have read my previous posts you know that I had just finished a book called One Month to Live.  (God's timing is ironic in this case)  Towards the end of the book (and sorry I don't have a copy here or I'd give it to you verbatim) there is a story about a young mother who has cancer and knows she is going to die.  She is around the age of 40.  Her minister comes to see her and she explains to the minister that she has been thinking about the verse in 2 Peter 3:8 that says, "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."  The pastor listens as she explains...If a thousand years is like a day than roughly an hour in heaven is equivalent to 40 years on earth.  The pastor agrees.  She goes on to say, that if her husband lives to be 80 then she will see him in heaven in what only seems like an hour.  And if the same formula applies, her young children will be with her in about 2 hours!  If we could only think of our life in these terms.  The most exciting thing about heaven will be seeing Jesus face to face, BUT we also know we will be reunited with our family and that helps to give us peace in our grief.  I often think of this story when I think about Dale being in heaven and how soon we'll really get to see him.


My mind is going and I could go on and on...but I am asking that you will think about how you are living your life.  Are you at peace with what God has dealt you?  Are you ready to see Jesus? 


I know my biggest mission right now is to make sure that my children get to see their Pappy again. You see, Jackson will be able to play with Pappy.  It will just be in heaven.


I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck. 


Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here....




But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.