Just need to vent...

I'm sure someone told me this before I had Jackson but I probably never really took it to heart. "Being a mom is the hardest, but most rewarding, thing you will ever do." I. Get. It. Many of you know from my constant facebook posting that Jackson has not been sleeping through the night. He slept well from about 4.5-6.5 months of age and then the teething started and it's been all down hill from there. Well...fast forward 3.5 months and he's still not sleeping. I feel like I've read every baby website, book, asked other moms, etc etc etc and I've come to the conclusion that, like pecan pie or leaves from the tree, not all babies are created equal. I met a mom this weekend that is NURSING her baby and the baby is only 8 weeks old and still sleeping 8-9 hours a night. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I would have killed for that kind of sleep at Jackson's 8 week point. But probably the worst part about this lack of sleep (other than both Jackson and I are cranky messes) is that it makes me question my ability as a mom. Like, if I can't get Jackson to sleep, maybe I should just give up this whole mothering thing together. Maybe I'm fine with having an only child. Maybe I should have never wanted to be a mom in the first place. Yes, it's that bad. And the constant comments from people as to "well he has you wrapped around his finger..." or "my babies ALL slept through the night" isn't helping. I know much of this is the way I choose to take their comments personally and some of it is my heightened emotions from being so tired...but it still hurts. I'm posting this in the hope that I'll stop feeling guilty by getting my emotions out on the table. Brian is convinced that Jackson is just the most stubborn child known to man. I mean, with the combination of Brian and I, add in Brian's Gram, my Grandma, my dad...wow, we'll be lucky if he ever does a thing we ask him to. Haha. In the meantime, I'll drink more coffee, try to enjoy all of this time with Jackson (at all hours of the day) and try not to take life so seriously (maybe). But please stop asking me if Jackson is sleeping yet. I might burst into tears.


But life is serious...
We found out a few weeks ago that Brian's dad has cancer. And though I've had lots of experience with cancer from other friends and family, for some reason I was thinking that this was going to be "easy." You know, he'd have surgery, he'd do some chemo, and we'd all go back to being a happy family. Right? I wish. Unfortunately the cancer is inoperable and there's not much that can be done. Radiation will be tried and it should ease some of the symptoms...but it won't cure it. (Lump in throat, tears in eyes). Brian and I have always talked about how good we have it. How blessed we are. How great our God is. And while I'm not going to say that anything of these things have changed, because they haven't....a new season of life is ushered in. I'm not going to go into to much other thing than to say. 1. Please pray for Brian's family right now, as well as us...We believe in a God that works great miracles and we will trust God to do a healing and mighty work. 2. Please don't take your family and family time for granted. 3. If you feel led, please support many of the cancer research foundations out there (such as Relay for Life). This disease needs to stop destroying lives.

Now that I've gotten all of this off of my chest, and Jackson has finally stopped crying (oh, don't worry, naptime is a battle, too)....I'm going to go do those 5638 things I need to do in the space of a naptime. Thanks for reading.

Leah